The saga of Hedger Corp, told in weekly installments. (Catch up here.)
The week started out normal enough.
We have this strange plant in our office. So I moved it into the breakroom, lightly decorated it, and called it our Christmas tree.
The employees did not like this at all.
They complained that it “got in the way.”
They even complained that it was growling at them. I was highly skeptical… until I saw it attempt to eat a chair.
Fine. We’ll move it to a lower-traffic area.
I didn’t want to go out and buy a tree, yet the breakroom needed something… And we couldn’t help but notice that Sue had brought in a lovely, tastefully decorated tree.
Sue adored her tree, and spent hours making tiny adjustments to the tinsel.
Then she spent hours admiring her work.
We agreed with Sue: It was a great tree. Which is why we decided to move it into the breakroom while she was in the bathroom.
To soften the blow, I told Hot Mailroom Guy to dig something nice out of our storage room and bring it to Sue. You know, a little gift to say “Sorry for stealing your treasured Christmas tree while you were sitting on a toilet.”
He found a huge button that had writing on it, and thought that would be good enough.
It didn’t go over well.
But I had to move on to other matters. I had recently hired a personal assistant, Brandon, to help me around the house. He handled critical projects, such as finding missing shoes and slicing fruit.
Brandon was excellent at his job and, as a bonus, looked like a cross between Donny Osmond and Eric Estrada. I decided to expand his role and make him my Executive Assistant over at Hedger Corp as well.
I gathered everyone in the breakroom so I could introduce him. “Don’t bug me with your problems anymore,” I told the staff. “Instead bug Brandon.”
The employees couldn’t believe how tall Brandon was. They also couldn’t believe how much denim he was wearing.
They brought over a chair for him. It was a tad small, but what are you going to do?
With his easy confidence and superb people skills, Brandon won everyone over quickly. He told them about the time he fed our family gecko, and almost got trapped in the cage. And the time when he was tossed around by a toddler and survived. They were riveted — except for Techie Smurf who unfortunately couldn’t get out of a Skype call with Papa Smurf.
Then Brandon invited all the employees to his apartment next week for some eggnog and cookies. They loved that idea, as it involved free food.
Out of all the employees, Derek was especially impressed with Brandon. He felt like Brandon would be an ideal best friend — a spot he’d been trying to fill for some time. He approached Brandon after everyone dispersed.
Derek couldn’t think of anything to say, so he just asked, “Do you like sandwiches?”
“Absolutely, bud!” Brandon replied, in his cool Brandon way.
“Me too,” said Derek.
That was the end of their conversation, but Derek stood there a while longer, studying Brandon’s outfit. Those pants… they were incredibly high-waisted. “Is this a new trend?” Derek wondered. “But what happened to skinny jeans?” Derek had recently purchased a bunch of skinny jeans, thinking he would be “the stylish guy” in the office. Now he began to worry.
This morning, the office was all abuzz about Brandon’s eggnog party.
Sue thought she might wear her gray suit. Derek was thinking of wearing his black shirt, and maybe some ultra-high-waisted pants.